Mercy in the Mess

John 21:15–19

Phrases that spoke to me today:
• "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?"
• "Lord, you know that I love you."
• "Feed my lambs."
• "Follow me."

Applying the Word to My Life:
There is a note on my desk from one of my sons. It says, “Dear Dad, I love you, I am sooooooo sorry.” It came after a stretch when Stacey was working hospital shifts, my work schedule was intense, and the boys were on a school break. I got home to find that the messes that had been sitting there for a couple days were still untouched. I was not exactly feeling patient. I finally let them have it. I told them that stepping over the mess instead of taking care of it showed something deeper than laziness. They knew someone would have to take care of it and that Stacey and I were working nonstop. It showed that their leisure had started mattering more than love. They cleaned it up. But then one of them wrote the note.

What stands out to me now is that I did not ask for the note. He figured that part out on his own. Cleaning up the mess mattered, but he knew there was still something left to do to bring the relationship full circle. He needed to say the words.

When Peter denied Christ three times, he put his own safety ahead of his relationship with Christ. Peter carried that failure for quite a while. A lot of his undirected energy right after the resurrection makes more sense when you remember that. He knows he loves Jesus. He knows he wants to be near Him. He knows something in him is still not right. That probably explains some of the restlessness, the jumping into action, the need to do something. But fishing was never going to fix this. Activity was never going to heal what denial had broken.

So Jesus takes Peter to the place that still hurts and gives him the chance to say the words.

He does not do that because He needs information. Jesus already knows Peter loves Him. Just like I already knew my son loved me. The question is not for Jesus’ benefit. Peter is the one who gets the relief. Jesus is giving Peter the mercy of saying out loud what fear once kept him from saying. Peter had denied Jesus with his words, and now he gets to love with his words. Not because Jesus is unsure, but because Peter needs the relationship restored there.

That is mercy in a deeper sense than we usually talk about it. Mercy is not just being let off the hook and left to infer that everything is back to “good.” It is not just having the guilt removed so I can stop feeling bad. Mercy is Christ bringing me close enough to let the wound be healed where it actually is. Peter does not just get forgiven in the abstract. He gets restored in the very place where he broke.

Once the relationship is restored, Peter can finally receive the thing he has been straining toward all along. Jesus gives him his mission. Feed my lambs. Tend my sheep. Feed my sheep. Peter finally gets the charge his whole restless heart has been reaching for. But he receives it only after coming close enough to let mercy finish its work. That matters. Peter did not need more activity. He needed restoration. Once that happened, the mission could be given and received the right way.

The truth is that Peter couldn’t live that mission until the relationship was restored. How could he give witness to the love and mercy of Christ when he was still holding on to his failures and keeping his distance from Christ? Having been healed himself, he can carry that healing to others.

A lot of us are like Peter. We want direction from Christ. We want purpose. We want mission. We want to know what we are supposed to do next. And sometimes we keep ourselves busy enough that it almost feels like we are already doing it. But there are moments when the thing standing between me and mission is not lack of talent or opportunity. It is that I need mercy before I can carry my mission.

God knows us and loves us too much to leave us guessing about His mercy. He knows that we need to say the words and hear we are forgiven.

This all comes together in the sacrament of reconciliation. Christ already knows what I have done. The confessional is not for His information. It is for my healing. It is where I stop hiding, say the words, and let mercy meet me in a concrete way. It is where the relationship is not just assumed but restored. And from there, I can actually hear Him better. From there, I can be sent.

I think that is what this reading is asking of me. Not just whether I believe Jesus is merciful. Not just whether I feel sorry. But whether I am willing to come close enough to say the words and let Him heal what I cannot repair with activity alone.

Speaking my failures out loud is hard, but how can I live my mission while I am still trying to hide from His mercy?

My Response for Today:
Today, I will make an honest examination of conscience and bring my failures to Christ.